Monday, August 26, 2013

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner Vows to "Step-Up" His Game After Resignation

San Diego, CA - 26 Aug 2013:  Embattled San Diego Mayor Bob Filner is expected to resign from office later this week, but not before he has caused yet another controversy. He read from a prepared statement at an unexpected news conference earlier today. His tone was defiant and several of his statements stunned those in attendance. The transcript of his prepared statement is shown in its entirety below:
"First of all, I'd like to say that some of these west coast women need to learn to chill out a little. Secondly, I believe that these ladies came out of the woodwork all at once because they realized I had moved on and they weren't going to get any of this (motioning to his lower torso with both hands). They were envious of my success and clearly jealous when they discovered that they were not the only target of my affections.

It is a relief that I will no longer be mayor. It is a huge weight off my shoulders because I will be 100% free pursue, fondle, kiss women anytime I feel like it without having to answer to anybody. I don't care if they are a college hottie or a fine-looking grandmother because I don't discriminate in that respect as you are well aware by now. Some in the media have called my actions harassment; in reality these women should be flattered that I grabbed their ass or suggested they lose their panties. There are millions of women here in San Diego and only a select few have been the beneficiary of the infamous 'Filner Charm.'

Anthony Weiner has already reached out to me and we will be taking New York City by storm this weekend. We have a lot in common when it comes to the ladies. I will be boarding a flight for JFK Airport immediately after resigning on Friday. Although his flirting techniques are a little more high-tech, I know Anthony and I will get along just fine once we hit the clubs in the Big Apple. To all ladies who like former mayors and mayor wannabes I would like to say 'Leave the panties at home because you're not going need them this weekend!' Thank you for attending. Now I've got some flight and hotel reservations to make."

1 comment:

  1. Actually wouldn't surprise me with this guy. When it comes to Filner anything is possible.