Sunday, November 29, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods Hates Fire Hydrants!

Tiger Woods finally agreed to be interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol today. The somewhat shocking reason that Woods provided for the late night accident in front of his house is that he "always hated that f@#*ing fire hydrant!"

In news that is just breaking at this moment, details are slowly coming out from the police interview. Woods stated, "I was trying to sleep and I got up and went to the window and that damn hydrant was sitting there looking at me. That was it. I'd had enough and I decided it was time for action!"

During additional questioning it was revealed that the fire hydrant had been an issue for several years: "I would come home after doing poorly in a tournament and that evil, little friggin hydrant would be waiting for me to come home mocking me as I arrived. I'm happy it's gone now and I would do it again tomorrow. I'm sorry I hit the tree and I'm glad it is going to be OK. My only intended target was the hydrant in question." When asked if he is worried about less protection in the event of a fire he said, "No! It is worth it to have that thing out of my life. There are other hydrants nearby which should be accessible."

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Welcome To The "Mark Allen Report"

A place to visit every day for some some thought provoking commentary on what is happening in popular culture, news, and politics. Chime in whether you agree or disagree.