BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods Hates Fire Hydrants!

Tiger Woods finally agreed to be interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol today. The somewhat shocking reason that Woods provided for the late night accident in front of his house is that he "always hated that f@#*ing fire hydrant!"

In news that is just breaking at this moment, details are slowly coming out from the police interview. Woods stated, "I was trying to sleep and I got up and went to the window and that damn hydrant was sitting there looking at me. That was it. I'd had enough and I decided it was time for action!"

During additional questioning it was revealed that the fire hydrant had been an issue for several years: "I would come home after doing poorly in a tournament and that evil, little friggin hydrant would be waiting for me to come home mocking me as I arrived. I'm happy it's gone now and I would do it again tomorrow. I'm sorry I hit the tree and I'm glad it is going to be OK. My only intended target was the hydrant in question." When asked if he is worried about less protection in the event of a fire he said, "No! It is worth it to have that thing out of my life. There are other hydrants nearby which should be accessible."

Drunk Woman Falls Onto Tracks At Subway Station (Includes My Commentary)

UPDATE: AEROSMITH IS BACK!!

UPDATE: Steven Tyler made a surprise appearance alongside Joe Perry at one of Joe Perry's solo performances in New York City. Tyler said "New York, I want you to know I'm not leaving Aerosmith" before launching into "Walk This Way" with Perry.

You can't keep Aerosmith down! What was I thinking? A broken shoulder, a feud between the two leaders of the group, 40 years on the road - It doesn't matter! Aerosmith can't be stopped. They just built them better back then. I think in the aftermath of a nuclear war, the only things left standing will be Aerosmith, the Rolling Stones, 2 or 3 cockroaches, and a handful of Stones/Aerosmith fans who slept through the entire nuclear exchange. Let me be the first to say welcome back Aerosmith after your 1 day absence.

I'm Officially Getting Old - Steven Tyler Quits Aerosmith

I'm kind of sad to these guys go. Aerosmith has been tearing it up for over 30 years. It looks like Steven Tyler is leaving Aerosmith. They are one of a handful of bands from the 70's 80's that never seem to lose a step and the members look and act much younger than their physical age.

Joe Perry talks in this article about possibly replacing Tyler, but it just won't be the same Aerosmith without Tyler as the front man. I like to see bands when they keep their original members together even after 30 years (at least the lead singer and lead guitar player). For that reason I passed when Journey and then Kiss came to my area recently. I saw Journey back in the day when they were on top and I didn't want to ruin that memory by seeing a different configuration now.

I give Aerosmith credit for keeping it together for as long as they have. There aren't too many groups who can survive the competing egos, bouts with drugs, and countless world tours. I can only hope that Steven Tyler has a change of heart and gets "Back In The Saddle" again.

Space Elevator In Our Future?

NASA and other private organizations are seriously exploring the idea of a "Space Elevator" as a way for getting into space rather than a rocket. They are talking about a strong, stabilized tube which would be anchored on the earth's surface and connected on the other end to a structure which orbits over a fixed point on the earth.

I think the space elevator would be a lot more my style. I really don't like the idea of getting suited-up and then enduring a turbulent ride into space. If I could just be whisked up a space elevator, that would be a lot better for me. Better yet, if I could whisked directly to a cool "space bar" where I could look down on the earth while having a few "space drinks" then I would be set. I guess I would need to ensure that I don't overindulge though because I don't want to "toss my cookies" when I am whisked back down to the earth's surface.

Link to Space Elevator story

"Breathalyzer Guy" Gets Busted For DUI

Before Halloween 2009 completely slips from our memories, here is a heavy dose of Halloween costume irony. In Oxford, Ohio James P. Miller was pulled over for suspicion of DUI. Imagine the reaction of the police officer when Miller exits his vehicle wearing a giant breathalyzer costume. It's no surprise he ended up blowing 1.58 on the breathalyzer when you look at the list of violations:

1. He was pulled over while driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

2. Driving at night without headlights.

3. Underage drinking (he is 20 years old).

4. Open container (he also had beer on his front seat and trunk).

5. Fake ID.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and bet that nobody took James up on his offer for a free breathalyzer test which somehow works by blowing on his "goods." Check out the instructions on his costume. Sure to be a Halloween James will never forget. Let's just be glad that this human breathalyzer was stopped before somebody got hurt.

Michal Jackson Is Superb In This Is It

Last week I went to see the new Michael Jackson documentary entitled This Is It. My motivation for going was basic curiosity. I have never been a big Michael Jackson fan, but I thought some of his songs were well produced. Sometimes a curious nature is a good thing because I was beyond impressed with This Is It.

Thankfully, This Is It was playing in a digital theater near my home. Surprisingly, I was the only person in the theater! I guess I hit a slow patch between opening day and the weekend. I felt fortunate to have my own private screening of This Is It.

From the opening moments it was clear that reports of Jackson being debilitated by his drug use related to chronic insomnia were false. I'm sure the producers culled the best footage, but we see enough to conclude that he was "on his game." Jackson was able to rise above his demons during his rehearsals at Staple Center in Los Angeles. The digital footage was stunning although there was one camera angle which was non-digital. The digital video combined with the pulse-pounding audio resulted in a final product almost beyond description.

It is difficult to believe that you are watching a man of 50 years. He doesn't appear to have lost a step since his 20's. You're not witnessing some washed-up performer just going through the paces. Performers are interviewed and gush with admiration for Jackson. The young female guitar player, Orianthi Panagaris, steals the show when she plays the Eddie Van Halen riff during "Beat It." I almost got goose bumps watching Jackson perform when all aspects of the show came together perfectly. The London concerts were set to feature some of the most spectacular and sophisticated video segments ever used in a concert. It was fascinating to peak behind the scenes as the actors and technical gurus worked on these amazing videos.

This documentary will stand as the definitive testament of Jackson's undeniable talent as a performer. Jackson comes across as gracious and respectful as he interacts with dancers, musicians, and director Kenny Ortega. For a while I forgot about legal issues and plastic surgeries gone wrong as I witnessed a man flourishing in his element. Even non-fans are likely to come away with an incredible sense of appreciation of Jackson's raw talent. I never expected to be blown away by This Is It, but blown away I was.