Boston, Massachusetts - May 15, 2012: Today there is breaking news and a surprising twist in the story of Mitt Romney's dog. In 1983 Romney infamously placed the family dog, Seamus, on the roof of his car during a 12 hour trip to Canada with the Romney clan in tow. Seamus was inside of a kennel and developed diarrhea during his rooftop adventure. Romney hosed down Seamus after evidence of the dog's intestinal distress became evident. The "dog-on-the-roof" incident has become well-known and has "dogged" the Romney campaign for months.
Now there has been a startling new development related to another Romney pet. Details are leaking out this evening about an incident with the Romney family cat named Reamus. Multiple motorists reported seeing a cat which had "lifted off" the roof of a SUV driven by Romney and was being towed in the air behind the vehicle. In response to the media firestorm created by this most recent incident, the Romney campaign released a statement from the GOP presidential candidate:
"I wanted to make it clear to my supporters that I have nothing against dogs, In fact, I love dogs. I felt the best way to demonstrate that fact was to show that I will put any kind of animal on the roof of a moving vehicle. Cats don't like pet carriers so we just attached a leash to Reamus' collar and placed him on top of our SUV. Ann held onto the leash which extended through the passenger window and onto the roof of our SUV. "According to eyewitness reports, the collar eventually slipped off of the cat's head. Reamus went flying like an unguided missile at that point and and flew for a "fairly long" distance before finally dropping out of view when he entered a wooded area. He apparently entered the wooded area traveling at a high rate of speed while only several feet off the ground with all his paws fully extended. Eyewitnesses said that the cat tried valiantly to stay in the air, but eventually lost control and did a couple of "barrel rolls" before disappearing into the woods alongside the Massachusetts interstate. The official Romney statement continued:
"I didn't realize that the lighter weight of the cat would cause it to go airborne. Reamus was essentially being flown like a kite behind our SUV. I guess Ann should've realized something was amiss when the tension was extremely tight on the leash followed by an immediate lack of tension. I think it is important to remember that cats have 9 lives and cats always land on their feet."The statement concludes with a message to the American people:
"Most importantly, I believe there's a valuable lesson to be learned here for all Americans. If the cat had grabbed onto the luggage rack he'd still be with us today. I think that analogy can be applied to Americans who don't do everything it takes to hang on in this tough economy. It's up to each and every one of us to 'stay on the roof of the car.' Otherwise, you too may end up careening toward toward a pine tree on the side of the road. The government is not always going to be there to bail you out. And finally, there is one last point I would to make. Just as with our dog Seamus, I'm sure Reamus had the time of his life. After all, how many cats have had the opportunity to experience the joy of flight? I hope Reamus turns up and if he does we just might place him atop our campaign plane, but with a tighter collar and a stronger leash of course."
