North Korea Claims Purpose of Missile Test is to Create Artifical Reefs!

April 12, 2013, Pyongyang, North Korea:

North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un, released a statement today in advance of anticipated missile launches which countries in the region and the United States on high alert. His statement reads:

"OFFICIAL STATEMENT - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: We believe the areas along the coastlines of Japan, Guam, Hawaii and our dear friends to the south are in desperate need of artificial reefs. It is for this reason that we have decided to commence our 'Reef Building Initiative.' Our medium-range missiles make perfect artificial reefs. We ask ask the leaders of these nations to to remain calm if they happen to notice a large missile racing toward their shores in the coming days. It is nothing to be concerned about. In fact, you should consider yourselves very fortunate that your country has been selected for our special marine beautification project. Several of our 'reef-building' missiles may be contain nuclear warheads, so please don't be concerned if you see a large explosion, hear a deafening boom or experience a huge tidal wave. Sometimes we need to clear an area for a new reef. It may take a few thousand years for marine life to thrive there, but it is almost certain that generations in the future will be amazed by the strange new life forms which will emerge. See, we really are the world's most innovative environmentalists. In advance of the many thanks we will be receiving from nations in the Pacific, we say "You're Welcome.' Also, please stay out of the water for the next few days."

Liz Cheney Denounces Obama for Shooting Bin Laden In Left Eye Instead of Right Eye!

Liz Cheney's Keep America Safe Foundation issued a statement immediately after the killing of Osama Bin Laden which essentially credited the torture that occurred during the Bush Administration for the successful mission. That claim has been been largely discredited as more information of how U.S. intelligence got on the trail of Bin Laden's courier comes to light. And more recently Senator John McCain made the definitive statement on the matter in which he unequivocally stated that enhanced interrogation techniques (torture) did NOT provide the critical intelligence in the hunt for Bin Laden.

In an apparent attempt to distract from the mounting evidence that torture did not help locate Bin Laden, Cheney and the Keep America Safe Foundation issued another statement today. It says in part "It is obvious the Navy Seal Team 6 was instructed to shoot Bin Laden in the left eye. Is this just a coincidence? We think not. By shooting him in the left eye instead of the right eye it is clear that President Obama wanted to send a subconscious message that it was the "left" who got Bin Laden. Why not shoot him in the forehead or between his eyes? The symbolism of Bin Laden being shot in the "left" eye might provide President Obama with the slight edge he needs going into the 2012 election. It is a backhanded slap in the face to all those on the right who aided in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden and we think President Obama needs to be called out on it"

And finally there was criticism of Obama's environmental policies in the statement: "The left and President Obama pride themselves in being stewards of the environment yet they see no problem dumping a decomposing corpse into the Indian Ocean. Is it OK because it is not not in U.S. waters? This is the height of hypocrisy and we believe it calls into question President Obama's supposed commitment to protecting the environment. Convenience seemed to trump principles in this case."